The following is a blog from the blog birth mom HERO'S. I know a lot of people often wonder what birth moms think and feel. Having the PRIVILEGE of working with women who are going through adoption is one of the most amazing gifts i've ever been given. They teach me the meaning of love and strength. The blog is actual messages from birth moms about their adoption experience. This is as close as i can get to what i actually hear from girls.
I hope this helps you see into the minds of some birth moms.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2010
FEELINGS ON YOUR ADOPTION EXPERIENCE
These messages were written on paper and placed in a balloon which was blown up, popped. The popper of the balloon then read the message as all the birth mothers honored the feelings shared. This activity occurred at the 3rd Annual Birthmother Retreat at Zion’s camp on September 12, 2010.
• Placement was scary, hurtful, but I’m happy that he is with a family he is loved by an event I won’t ever forget.
• Spiritually divine looking at the face of god pure grace perfection beautiful. If I could freeze time and hold this baby forever I would but I can’t , what it was all about the ultimate mother-love: sacrifice loving somebody is wanting the best for them, whether it involves you or not. Everything I had planned and worked towards and set in place and strived for: All my efforts and desires and decisions plus plans plus heaps plus dreams….were all for THIS moment
• An amazing scary lonely journey there is a little man out there that I love more than I love anything and I must trust someone else to love him as much as I do so much more than I expect.
• Placement, Bitter Sweet didn’t want to let go, but I knew it was right. Can’t deny the feelings I received when I prayed and prayed about what to do… Even though she didn’t have the perfect life I still feel for whatever reason it was she was where she suppose to be. I LOVE YOU FOREVEAR Rachel.
• I’m grateful for the openness the adoptive couple is willing to offer me. I am surprised at how emotional I still feel and the number of hard days I’ve had lately I pray for my relationship with my daughter and her adoptive parents continues to go so well and mill always able to stay to open as we did now I love and miss my daughter every day!
• Day of placement, I remember looking at her little feet my last time and hugging her and kissing her goodbye. I then placed her into the arms of Tawnia’s assistant and said goodbye one of the saddest days of my life.
• I always knew I did the right thing for him and me.
• With tears and a broken heart, I put him in her arms. I wonder if he’ll want to meet me when he’s older, or if he’ll resent me for what I did. I’m so afraid of missing his life.
• It was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. It’s a moment in time that stays with you forever. As much as I miss her I love her more. All that I have learned and all that she has been given confirm the cause for which we stand. Through all the pain I still would have done it again God has and continues to bless me for my sacrifice. He helps my heart to heal.
• My 16 year old self thought I made the best choice for my son. I hate that my adoption was closed, I feel like it hindered my healing. I am happy to be healing now, I am happy to finally know about my son. I am happy that he has been successful and that he is original like me. I hope to someday have a meaningful relationship with him, but am beginning to realize that is not my choice. I am trying to accept that what happens now is really up to my son. I will always love him no matter what.
• It was very bittersweet, the absolute hardest day of my life. I felt so much happiness for the adoptive couple and that they were finally able to have a baby. As I walked away I felt so EMPTY I collapsed into my dad’s arms and sobbed uncontrollably. I could NOT wait until I got to experience pregnancy and labor and deliver all over again with my own baby to take home, most of all it was the BEST and most right decision I have ever made in my life. If it weren’t for the gift of adoption I would not be who I am or where I am today.
• I am so happy that I could give her what I couldn’t. The 9 months I carried her all I wanted was to keep her but I knew there was a better place for her and I knew that at placement it wasn’t the last time I would see her. But that I had become part of her mom and dad’s family altnagon I am sad she’s not with me I know I did the right thing and that’s a great feeling.
• Placement was scary, hurtful, but I’m happy that he is with a family he is loved by an event I won’t ever forget.
• Spiritually divine looking at the face of god pure grace perfection beautiful. If I could freeze time and hold this baby forever I would but I can’t , what it was all about the ultimate mother-love: sacrifice loving somebody is wanting the best for them, whether it involves you or not. Everything I had planned and worked towards and set in place and strived for: All my efforts and desires and decisions plus plans plus heaps plus dreams….were all for THIS moment
• An amazing scary lonely journey there is a little man out there that I love more than I love anything and I must trust someone else to love him as much as I do so much more than I expect.
• Placement, Bitter Sweet didn’t want to let go, but I knew it was right. Can’t deny the feelings I received when I prayed and prayed about what to do… Even though she didn’t have the perfect life I still feel for whatever reason it was she was where she suppose to be. I LOVE YOU FOREVEAR Rachel.
• I’m grateful for the openness the adoptive couple is willing to offer me. I am surprised at how emotional I still feel and the number of hard days I’ve had lately I pray for my relationship with my daughter and her adoptive parents continues to go so well and mill always able to stay to open as we did now I love and miss my daughter every day!
• Day of placement, I remember looking at her little feet my last time and hugging her and kissing her goodbye. I then placed her into the arms of Tawnia’s assistant and said goodbye one of the saddest days of my life.
• I always knew I did the right thing for him and me.
• With tears and a broken heart, I put him in her arms. I wonder if he’ll want to meet me when he’s older, or if he’ll resent me for what I did. I’m so afraid of missing his life.
• It was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. It’s a moment in time that stays with you forever. As much as I miss her I love her more. All that I have learned and all that she has been given confirm the cause for which we stand. Through all the pain I still would have done it again God has and continues to bless me for my sacrifice. He helps my heart to heal.
• My 16 year old self thought I made the best choice for my son. I hate that my adoption was closed, I feel like it hindered my healing. I am happy to be healing now, I am happy to finally know about my son. I am happy that he has been successful and that he is original like me. I hope to someday have a meaningful relationship with him, but am beginning to realize that is not my choice. I am trying to accept that what happens now is really up to my son. I will always love him no matter what.
• It was very bittersweet, the absolute hardest day of my life. I felt so much happiness for the adoptive couple and that they were finally able to have a baby. As I walked away I felt so EMPTY I collapsed into my dad’s arms and sobbed uncontrollably. I could NOT wait until I got to experience pregnancy and labor and deliver all over again with my own baby to take home, most of all it was the BEST and most right decision I have ever made in my life. If it weren’t for the gift of adoption I would not be who I am or where I am today.
• I am so happy that I could give her what I couldn’t. The 9 months I carried her all I wanted was to keep her but I knew there was a better place for her and I knew that at placement it wasn’t the last time I would see her. But that I had become part of her mom and dad’s family altnagon I am sad she’s not with me I know I did the right thing and that’s a great feeling.
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