Art Therapy for Grief and Loss

So I'm that girl that loves to learn... I would be a full time student if someone paid me, so when everyone else hates going to conferences to get their CEU's - I LOVE IT!

I've only gone to Adoption Conference's in the past, but I wanted to break out and try some new things! A couple of weeks ago Judy and I attended a seminar called Art Therapy for Grief and Loss. Adoption brings up SO many issues of grief and loss, not only with the birth mom, but also the adoptive couple. For example, if you cannot have a child due to infertility, you need to grieve that loss. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will not have your own biological child, but that God has something different in mind. This is especially difficult for women. Growing up you just assume that you will get married, get pregnant, have kids, the end. Unfortunately, sometimes its not that simple. Many couples who come to us have tried all avenues to try and conceive. They want to know at the end of the day that they gave it everything they had. Once those attempts fail, you MUST grieve that loss in order to take the leap of faith into adoption.

On the other hand we have the birth moms who must grieve almost that same loss, but in a different way. A lot of my birth moms say that they feel a happy-sad when they place their child for adoption. They're so happy for the couple, and so happy for the child, and so happy that they were able to play a part in creating that family, BUT they're sad because they couldn't give the child that family themselves. There are so many mixed emotions, and a lot of times our birth moms are confused on their feelings, one minute their happy, the next they're sad. I can't stress enough about how important it is to work through your grief. We have to experience those negative feelings in order to get through them.

Grief is often talked about in the "stages" that you go through which are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Wouldn't it be nice if we just went through these stages one by one in order and were finished with our grief. HA. Not gonna happen. The thing with these stages is that you don't have to go through them in order, you might not even go through all of the stages, you may stay in a certain stage longer than another, and you may go back to a stage that you've already been through. I think that's where so many people get stuck with their grief because they feel like they're doing it "wrong" or that they're not "normal". Pamela Hayes who is the lady who facilitated our training told us of a little girl she was working with who had a live in nanny in her house from the time she was born until she was 6. This nanny was pretty much a part of the family, especially for this little girl. The nanny decided to move away and go to school when the little girl was 6. This was a huge loss for this little girl. She went to art therapy and she drew a picture of a heart with the nanny's name in it and it said, "Miss You". When the little girl and Pamela were talking about the picture, the little girl looked up and asked Pamela if she was still allowed to miss the nanny. How sad that we feel like there is a time frame on grief! Pamela quickly told her that she was most defiantly allowed to still miss her, and they rolled up the picture and mailed it to the nanny at school. Grief is a life long process, there is no end to it, BUT you can move on with your life and enjoy it! Just because you're working through your greif doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life.

CRYING:
I have always told my clients that when they don't cry (especially at the hospital), I get worried, and yesterday proved my point. Dr. William Frey is known as the Tear Doctor. He has studied tears for over 15 years. He found that emotional tears are made up of different hormones, in particular, Cortisol. These tears release these "toxins" and actually help make you feel better. Have you ever heard someone say, "I just need a good cry"? Well, they probably do! It would probably make them feel better. So go ahead, CRY! It's good for you!

I wanted to upload some images that we did, but my scanner isn't working up here at the office! I hope this gave you a little insight into grief and how big of a roll it plays in adoption though. Grief doesn't have a be a bad word. It depends on how you handle that grief whether it boils up into something bad, or if you can work through it and possible see a positive out of your grief. Let me know if you have any thoughts!! I love to hear from you guys!